But I could not do it. The moment a distraction came along, usually in the form of a special whistle to indicate where the gambling session was to be held, whatever “motivation” I had quickly evaporated. I would throw down my books and rush off to gamble. I broke all the promises that I had made to my mother. If my mother could motivate me, I would not have gambled.
My inability to give up gambling and other bad habits showed clearly that my mother could not motivate me, even though I loved her very much and wanted to do my best to make her happy. Even the threat of my father’s severe punishment, which some people would consider a strong de-motivator, could not stop me. For me — and I am sure it is the same for many others — gambling was like an addictive drug. I felt such a strong urge to gamble that I would do so at tremendous risk and tremendous cost.
I knew I would break my mother’s heart, get a beating from my father and fail my examinations. But my attitude was to gamble first, worry later. When I grew older, I began to feel an inner desire to be a “good boy”. I myself wanted to give up my bad habits. I started with vulgarism, and later gave up vandalism and violence as well. Gambling was the hardest to give up, but I finally kicked the habit.
That was also the time I began to really study hard. When I was younger, all I wanted to do was play. Now, I was studying so hard that I amazed myself. I wanted to study hard, do well in my exams and gain a place in university. Because I was doing it for myself, I persevered. I wanted to satisfy my own inner desire for continuous improvement. It was not something imposed on me — I chose to do it. Think of the times when you really felt motivated to do something. Think of the things that get you so engrossed that you do not realise the time passing by.
When you do the things that you choose to do, the things that you want to do, they seem so effortless. In contrast, when you do the things that you have to do — out of obligation or responsibility — you feel a great burden. The thing that you choose is your Prizedream. It is something you want so much that you are willing to do whatever it takes to achieve it.
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